Who broke the story? I can’t figure that out, but all the major players reported it: People, USA Today, E! Online, even the New York Post. I read about it first on Newser. Read Less, Know More: that’s their tag line—and everyone’s goal. “Loch Ness Centre Reports ‘Captivating’ Sighting.”

This sighting is the first of the year and deemed credible so far. Since they are obviously about to solve the mystery, I decided to spill my knowledge while I can still get the credit. I know the truth of the Loch Ness monster. And Bigfoot, and Mothman, and even the Lizard Man of Scape Ore Swamp. It’s the secret of all the Cryptids.

Psst: They don’t live here!

Do you know this word? Cryptids, a term derived from the Greek ‘krypto’ meaning hidden, refer to animals or beings whose existence is suggested but not proven scientifically.¹

Countless sources offer lists online, including Wikipedia. Most of those lists cover many of the same creatures, but they often branch out into specific local lore. Seemingly every region of the world has its own Cryptid. Any place there’s a swamp, there’s a Cryptid. The same goes for larger lakes all around the world. My wife grew up in Eerie, Pennsylvania. When I asked her if there is an Eerie lake-monster, she didn’t know. But a quick search online brought me to a documentary about Bessie, a sea creature first documented in 1817.

Someone first reported seeing the Loch Ness monster in the sixth century AD. Since then, almost twelve-hundred sightings have been logged. Those can’t all be hoaxes, right? Biologists point out that there can’t be just one Loch Ness monster. Nothing lives fifteen-hundred years. A sustainable community is required to continue breeding. Regardless, starting sixty years ago, repeated sonar studies of Loch Ness have proven that a pod of sea serpents isn’t lurking beneath the surface. It’s a conundrum, a puzzle.

I consider the book The Long Earth by Terry Pratchett and Steven Baxter as sort of a “Multiverse for Beginners” course. It describes in an orderly fashion, the basics of multiverse theory. The multiverse in The Long Earth is a series of parallel Earths where each world differs from its closest multiverse neighbor in subtle ways. Humans in the story learn to ‘step’ between these worlds. The ‘further’ they stray from their own Earth, they encounter greater differences. The trees, barely different in the next world, become unrecognizable several steps away. It’s a compelling model. Possibly it’s real?

Our Cryptids, perhaps, live on parallel Earths near our own universe, but far enough away for evolutionary deviations. If these Cryptids know the secret to stepping between worlds, nothing stops them from traveling through four dimensions. When Loch Ness becomes overfished on their world, they can step into the next world—our world—in search of food. Bigfoots could step in for a break because our world is cooler (or hotter) than many others. Mongolian Death Worms come to our Earth to do whatever it is that Mongolian Death Worms like to do, only slightly differently.

These creatures remain elusive after so many centuries because they only pop in for short periods to eat or relax. They leave just as quickly. The sighting this year at Loch Ness is simply a case of the right place at the right time. People might stare at the lake for the next five months and see nothing at all, because there’s nothing there.

Now that I’ve shared my secret with the world, everyone can stop searching. The Cryptids aren’t here. Until they are. And then they’re not.

¹ Definition taken from www.smorescience.com.

Photo by Ramon Vloon on Unsplash